i can't get the image out of my head; the image ou failed to mention but knew i'd eventually disconver. stabbed not once, but many times over last night in the midst of something i thought was a spiritual goodness. maybe god wants to test me, and if so, i definitely failed that test.
you lay with her nightly now, and nothing is going on, you sleep in the bed of the woman you have loved for more than a decade, and loved even when you were telling me how much you loved me. i guess that doesn't matter now, because i can't have your sensitivity, it's never something i was given willingly
[extracting teeth]
i want to extract these teeth, want them gone from my mouth the emotions i cannot control because you have bound me with your physical cord now, i can't get myself far enough from you now even though you dissappeared months ago without any explanation.
where have you been?
always, you say, "going to a place, doing something, visiting someone." why can't you just say it so it doesn't drag a long the bottom of my mind? it's always going to hurt me, whether you say it or not because i'll always know. your tenderness failed me when i needed it most, it slipped into a convenient escape from youre forever, and we had a collision.. things are never the same again.
you can never go home again
and i haven't been home in years the closest i've been was tucked safe into a bed that required nothing of me but honesty and that bed's been gone a long time now, every time i find myself in another i wonder could this be my sanctuary? nothing has sufficed.
i am trying to find a karmic balance, but there are so many hardships to face, and i am doing it alone. first i pray, then i weep. i pray that god will fill my soul with peace, and give me the strength to be what i have to. i rest in that peace, the hollow of mighty hands, but i cannot seem to stay there very long. real life is never very far away.

all of life is suffering
the cause of suffering is desire
to end suffering, one must end desire
to end desire, follow the eight-fold path.